My little stream in the wasteland...

Wow, so I haven't blogged an entry since last September. Wow. I've tried so many times to sit down and write an entry and it just wouldn't happen. Words and thoughts so deep and so many that it's been nearly impossible to write them down. Seriously.

I've found that I have been so in awe of God's power and mercies and gifts that to try and capture how I feel about them would be ridiculous. There are not enough words in the english language to even remotely capture how amazing God's goodness is to me.

Um, yeah, you heard me right - me, Toni, the one who has more words come out of my mouth than any human should have. Yeah, I have still been speechless these last 38 weeks...hmm, that's proabably a good thing...especially for my husband...by I digress...

We were told we had a less than 2% chance of ever getting pregnant on our own. So, after many years of trying to conceive, our precious Amber and Emma were born via IVF after two previous failed IVF attempts...and they were frozen embryos at that! Making their dramatic entrance two months premature and almost losing Amber the first week she was born, we were ectastic to finally bring them home from the hospital and begin our dream of being parents at last.

After losing my dad and sister to heart attacks and my mom to cancer, we couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to bring a new life into our family. A fresh start, a new life. Sounds easy, right? Nope! After almost four years of trying on our own, we finally accepted that being parents again to a new life was not what God wanted. For me, it took a while to honestly obey God and accept that if that wasn't what He wanted for us, than I could accept it and asked Him to show me what He wanted me to be and do with the rest of my life. What journey did He want me to continue on for Him.

I felt relieved that I had come to this place of peace and acceptance and was excited to see where our lives where going. Well, within a couple of weeks, we found out that we were moving back "home" and would be beginning a new ministry opportunity in the very town that I grew up in. And by the next month, we learned of something so miraculous and a dream so far-reaching that only the God of the universe could have allowed it...we were pregnant!

After the initial shock wore off (which still hasn't entirely happened), I began to realize that because of my obedience to God in accepting that my dream for me would not happen and that God had other, even more amazing dreams for me, that He rewarded us with exactly what we wanted. That's how He works, friends. He delights in lavishing love and gifts on us out of our trust and faith in Him. He always gets the glory in the end...always.

So, here I sit. Thirty eight weeks pregnant, ready to deliver our precious third daugher, Audrey Christina Gulbin. She is named after my sister and grandmother.

Exactly three years ago from right now, I was sitting with my mother while she lived with us under hospice care and participating in her final days on earth. It was a hard time, but a special time as well. Oh how far God has brought me that three years later, I get to experience new life and a new chapter in my book. To say I feel blessed is an understatement.

Turns out one of my streams in the wasteland will be about 8 pounds of sugar and I'm pretty sure that my world is about to go from black and white to bursts of vivid color...all because God loves me and has a plan for me...and because He promised He would make a way for me...

If you are in a place of waiting and wondering, don't lose faith! Read His word, talk to Him, obey Him and follow Him. His dream for you is so much bigger than you could ever dream for yourself! He is working in you while you wait. He is molding and shaping you into exactly what He wants you to be. He will make a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland along the way. His promises are true!