Since I always post about hard/sad things - how about a good post for a change? Sounds like fun to me!
God has really been speaking to me lately - I mean really speaking to me. Mainly through scripture. I just can't seem to read enough of it. I've also been reading a lot of books about scriptures and people in the bible and the lessons we can learn from them. Great stuff!
A couple of scriptures really spoke to me today:
Isaiah 25:1
Oh Lord, I will honor and praise your name, for you are my God. You do such wonderful things! You planned them long ago, and now you have accomplished them.
Isaiah 25:4
But you are a tower of refuge to the poor, O Lord, a tower of refuge to the needy in distress. You are a refuge from the storm and a shelter from the heat.
Isaiah 26:3-4
You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock.
God has been teaching me so much lately that it's just too hard to put in words. Besides, I feel like they are words meant only for me for right now, and I like that it's just me and God sharing such special things.
So, it's been a good day all the way around in many areas of my life and I am so grateful for that!
Praise God!
toni
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
God is in the little things...
Below is an entry from my journal three years ago today. Hard to believe she has been gone four years now. If you ever doubt that God is in the little things...then keep on reading. He knows us. He loves us and He looks out for us - even in the details of our sorrows.
Tonight I'm thinking of my Good Little One. That's what I used to call Terri when we were growing up. My Good Little Sister, Terri. Tonight, Sis, I'm thinking of you and only you.
One year ago today was the last time I saw you - ever. Even though it is mine and Jay's wedding anniversary, you and I together went to Great Gran's house to collect Dad's things. Remember we went to eat with Miss K, Aunt Sheila and Aunt Patty at the Tea Room? You and I shared the most delicious dessert of raspberries, blueberries and strawberries on pound cake with lots of whipped cream. That was sooo good. We laughed our way through eating it because we did it so fast. It was very yummy. I remember the way you smiled at me sitting next to me as we ate that dessert.
I remember trying to find a gas pump open and laughing at all the crazy drivers trying to fight for the first one open.
I remember us going to the cemetary to visit Dad - just you and I. And saying, "Hey Deddy, we're here". You thought that was funny the way I just talked to him, and yet that's how I talk to you now. I told him he could visit us in the way of a butterfly or something so we would know he was there. And by george, at that precise moment, a butterfly fluttered and danced around the two of us for about 5 minutes. We stood there staring at each other in disbelief. What a memory. Do you know that the very next time I went to visit Dad at the cemetary after you were gone, that two butterlies fluttered around me. I was sure and still am, that that was you and Dad.
I remember us leaving Cartersville that day and stopping at the gas station for a "pit stop", as Dad used to call them. You insisted on buying me a coke and a small bag of white cheddar cheez-its. I told you that I could get it and you said, "Toe, I think I can swing a bag of cheez-its and a coke". We laughed so hard. That was the best day spending with you even though it was a sad one. We joked and reminisced all the way home. I still have that empty bag of cheez-its. I decided to keep it even before you passed away.
I remember telling you goodbye and that I loved you as I pulled out of your driveway. My last memory of you is you holding Molly standing at your garage waving and telling me you loved me. Your beautiful red hair and sweet smile staring back at me.
You were gone two weeks later. God, I miss you. Why did He take you? I want you back even now. I've never stopped loving or missing you. The void is deep and dark and goes on forever. You, my love, will never be replaced. There will never be another Miss Tree. Your heart physically broke, and my heart emotionally broke. I miss you with an intensity that goes on forever.
Do you know I think of you all the time? I wish I had said certain things differently and done things differently. I'm sorry if I hurt you or was disrespectful at times. I guess it's just a sister thing. Forgive me for ever hurting you.
God is healing, though. Peace is slowly settling in. The grieving goes on, but hope is drifting in through the pain. You would want us to be happy and to trust in God. Those were your last words to me, "Don't worry, Toe. It's all going to work out and be okay".
I know you are with me. I feel you all the time. Thank you for loving me still. Help me with God to move on without feeling guilty while honoring you and your life all the while. I'll never forget you. NEVER.
My love to you tonight. God be with me and heal my heart.
I love you sis.
Toni
Here's where the detail comes in: I wanted Jay to come with us on that trip to get my dad's things. He insisted that I was to go alone with Terri. I was furious with him and all week before we left, I kept begging him to go with us. It was our 12 year anniversary after all, and I needed him to be with me emotionally, to help me bear the burden of it all. I didn't want to take that trip without him. He repeatedly insisted that he didn't feel he was supposed to go and that it was a time for just me and Terri to spend together. How stupid, I thought. There would be plenty of time to spend together...
I was actually extremely frustrated and very angry that he refused to go. I just couldn't understand it and neither could he. It was just a feeling he had and he wasn't budging on it.
It turned out that my time with Terri that day turned out to be the last time I ever saw her. A couple of weeks after she passed, both Jay and I began to realize the details of God's love in regards to that day of our anniversary. He placed a feeling in Jay's heart that it was not his place to go, that it was to be a special time for just me and Terri. I cried so hard when I realized God's love for me even before tragedy hit us. I would not trade that day with her for a million dollars, and all because my husband received a hunch from the Holy Spirit what not to do.
That, my friends, is how God is in the details of our life. How many things have we overlooked that He alone should get praise for?
Happy 15 year anniversary, sweetheart. Thank you for following your heart and His spirit. I am forever endowed to you for it.
I love you, Terri - I'm also thinking of you today and loving you still!!!!!
Tonight I'm thinking of my Good Little One. That's what I used to call Terri when we were growing up. My Good Little Sister, Terri. Tonight, Sis, I'm thinking of you and only you.
One year ago today was the last time I saw you - ever. Even though it is mine and Jay's wedding anniversary, you and I together went to Great Gran's house to collect Dad's things. Remember we went to eat with Miss K, Aunt Sheila and Aunt Patty at the Tea Room? You and I shared the most delicious dessert of raspberries, blueberries and strawberries on pound cake with lots of whipped cream. That was sooo good. We laughed our way through eating it because we did it so fast. It was very yummy. I remember the way you smiled at me sitting next to me as we ate that dessert.
I remember trying to find a gas pump open and laughing at all the crazy drivers trying to fight for the first one open.
I remember us going to the cemetary to visit Dad - just you and I. And saying, "Hey Deddy, we're here". You thought that was funny the way I just talked to him, and yet that's how I talk to you now. I told him he could visit us in the way of a butterfly or something so we would know he was there. And by george, at that precise moment, a butterfly fluttered and danced around the two of us for about 5 minutes. We stood there staring at each other in disbelief. What a memory. Do you know that the very next time I went to visit Dad at the cemetary after you were gone, that two butterlies fluttered around me. I was sure and still am, that that was you and Dad.
I remember us leaving Cartersville that day and stopping at the gas station for a "pit stop", as Dad used to call them. You insisted on buying me a coke and a small bag of white cheddar cheez-its. I told you that I could get it and you said, "Toe, I think I can swing a bag of cheez-its and a coke". We laughed so hard. That was the best day spending with you even though it was a sad one. We joked and reminisced all the way home. I still have that empty bag of cheez-its. I decided to keep it even before you passed away.
I remember telling you goodbye and that I loved you as I pulled out of your driveway. My last memory of you is you holding Molly standing at your garage waving and telling me you loved me. Your beautiful red hair and sweet smile staring back at me.
You were gone two weeks later. God, I miss you. Why did He take you? I want you back even now. I've never stopped loving or missing you. The void is deep and dark and goes on forever. You, my love, will never be replaced. There will never be another Miss Tree. Your heart physically broke, and my heart emotionally broke. I miss you with an intensity that goes on forever.
Do you know I think of you all the time? I wish I had said certain things differently and done things differently. I'm sorry if I hurt you or was disrespectful at times. I guess it's just a sister thing. Forgive me for ever hurting you.
God is healing, though. Peace is slowly settling in. The grieving goes on, but hope is drifting in through the pain. You would want us to be happy and to trust in God. Those were your last words to me, "Don't worry, Toe. It's all going to work out and be okay".
I know you are with me. I feel you all the time. Thank you for loving me still. Help me with God to move on without feeling guilty while honoring you and your life all the while. I'll never forget you. NEVER.
My love to you tonight. God be with me and heal my heart.
I love you sis.
Toni
Here's where the detail comes in: I wanted Jay to come with us on that trip to get my dad's things. He insisted that I was to go alone with Terri. I was furious with him and all week before we left, I kept begging him to go with us. It was our 12 year anniversary after all, and I needed him to be with me emotionally, to help me bear the burden of it all. I didn't want to take that trip without him. He repeatedly insisted that he didn't feel he was supposed to go and that it was a time for just me and Terri to spend together. How stupid, I thought. There would be plenty of time to spend together...
I was actually extremely frustrated and very angry that he refused to go. I just couldn't understand it and neither could he. It was just a feeling he had and he wasn't budging on it.
It turned out that my time with Terri that day turned out to be the last time I ever saw her. A couple of weeks after she passed, both Jay and I began to realize the details of God's love in regards to that day of our anniversary. He placed a feeling in Jay's heart that it was not his place to go, that it was to be a special time for just me and Terri. I cried so hard when I realized God's love for me even before tragedy hit us. I would not trade that day with her for a million dollars, and all because my husband received a hunch from the Holy Spirit what not to do.
That, my friends, is how God is in the details of our life. How many things have we overlooked that He alone should get praise for?
Happy 15 year anniversary, sweetheart. Thank you for following your heart and His spirit. I am forever endowed to you for it.
I love you, Terri - I'm also thinking of you today and loving you still!!!!!
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