Since I always post about hard/sad things - how about a good post for a change? Sounds like fun to me!
God has really been speaking to me lately - I mean really speaking to me. Mainly through scripture. I just can't seem to read enough of it. I've also been reading a lot of books about scriptures and people in the bible and the lessons we can learn from them. Great stuff!
A couple of scriptures really spoke to me today:
Isaiah 25:1
Oh Lord, I will honor and praise your name, for you are my God. You do such wonderful things! You planned them long ago, and now you have accomplished them.
Isaiah 25:4
But you are a tower of refuge to the poor, O Lord, a tower of refuge to the needy in distress. You are a refuge from the storm and a shelter from the heat.
Isaiah 26:3-4
You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock.
God has been teaching me so much lately that it's just too hard to put in words. Besides, I feel like they are words meant only for me for right now, and I like that it's just me and God sharing such special things.
So, it's been a good day all the way around in many areas of my life and I am so grateful for that!
Praise God!
toni
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
God is in the little things...
Below is an entry from my journal three years ago today. Hard to believe she has been gone four years now. If you ever doubt that God is in the little things...then keep on reading. He knows us. He loves us and He looks out for us - even in the details of our sorrows.
Tonight I'm thinking of my Good Little One. That's what I used to call Terri when we were growing up. My Good Little Sister, Terri. Tonight, Sis, I'm thinking of you and only you.
One year ago today was the last time I saw you - ever. Even though it is mine and Jay's wedding anniversary, you and I together went to Great Gran's house to collect Dad's things. Remember we went to eat with Miss K, Aunt Sheila and Aunt Patty at the Tea Room? You and I shared the most delicious dessert of raspberries, blueberries and strawberries on pound cake with lots of whipped cream. That was sooo good. We laughed our way through eating it because we did it so fast. It was very yummy. I remember the way you smiled at me sitting next to me as we ate that dessert.
I remember trying to find a gas pump open and laughing at all the crazy drivers trying to fight for the first one open.
I remember us going to the cemetary to visit Dad - just you and I. And saying, "Hey Deddy, we're here". You thought that was funny the way I just talked to him, and yet that's how I talk to you now. I told him he could visit us in the way of a butterfly or something so we would know he was there. And by george, at that precise moment, a butterfly fluttered and danced around the two of us for about 5 minutes. We stood there staring at each other in disbelief. What a memory. Do you know that the very next time I went to visit Dad at the cemetary after you were gone, that two butterlies fluttered around me. I was sure and still am, that that was you and Dad.
I remember us leaving Cartersville that day and stopping at the gas station for a "pit stop", as Dad used to call them. You insisted on buying me a coke and a small bag of white cheddar cheez-its. I told you that I could get it and you said, "Toe, I think I can swing a bag of cheez-its and a coke". We laughed so hard. That was the best day spending with you even though it was a sad one. We joked and reminisced all the way home. I still have that empty bag of cheez-its. I decided to keep it even before you passed away.
I remember telling you goodbye and that I loved you as I pulled out of your driveway. My last memory of you is you holding Molly standing at your garage waving and telling me you loved me. Your beautiful red hair and sweet smile staring back at me.
You were gone two weeks later. God, I miss you. Why did He take you? I want you back even now. I've never stopped loving or missing you. The void is deep and dark and goes on forever. You, my love, will never be replaced. There will never be another Miss Tree. Your heart physically broke, and my heart emotionally broke. I miss you with an intensity that goes on forever.
Do you know I think of you all the time? I wish I had said certain things differently and done things differently. I'm sorry if I hurt you or was disrespectful at times. I guess it's just a sister thing. Forgive me for ever hurting you.
God is healing, though. Peace is slowly settling in. The grieving goes on, but hope is drifting in through the pain. You would want us to be happy and to trust in God. Those were your last words to me, "Don't worry, Toe. It's all going to work out and be okay".
I know you are with me. I feel you all the time. Thank you for loving me still. Help me with God to move on without feeling guilty while honoring you and your life all the while. I'll never forget you. NEVER.
My love to you tonight. God be with me and heal my heart.
I love you sis.
Toni
Here's where the detail comes in: I wanted Jay to come with us on that trip to get my dad's things. He insisted that I was to go alone with Terri. I was furious with him and all week before we left, I kept begging him to go with us. It was our 12 year anniversary after all, and I needed him to be with me emotionally, to help me bear the burden of it all. I didn't want to take that trip without him. He repeatedly insisted that he didn't feel he was supposed to go and that it was a time for just me and Terri to spend together. How stupid, I thought. There would be plenty of time to spend together...
I was actually extremely frustrated and very angry that he refused to go. I just couldn't understand it and neither could he. It was just a feeling he had and he wasn't budging on it.
It turned out that my time with Terri that day turned out to be the last time I ever saw her. A couple of weeks after she passed, both Jay and I began to realize the details of God's love in regards to that day of our anniversary. He placed a feeling in Jay's heart that it was not his place to go, that it was to be a special time for just me and Terri. I cried so hard when I realized God's love for me even before tragedy hit us. I would not trade that day with her for a million dollars, and all because my husband received a hunch from the Holy Spirit what not to do.
That, my friends, is how God is in the details of our life. How many things have we overlooked that He alone should get praise for?
Happy 15 year anniversary, sweetheart. Thank you for following your heart and His spirit. I am forever endowed to you for it.
I love you, Terri - I'm also thinking of you today and loving you still!!!!!
Tonight I'm thinking of my Good Little One. That's what I used to call Terri when we were growing up. My Good Little Sister, Terri. Tonight, Sis, I'm thinking of you and only you.
One year ago today was the last time I saw you - ever. Even though it is mine and Jay's wedding anniversary, you and I together went to Great Gran's house to collect Dad's things. Remember we went to eat with Miss K, Aunt Sheila and Aunt Patty at the Tea Room? You and I shared the most delicious dessert of raspberries, blueberries and strawberries on pound cake with lots of whipped cream. That was sooo good. We laughed our way through eating it because we did it so fast. It was very yummy. I remember the way you smiled at me sitting next to me as we ate that dessert.
I remember trying to find a gas pump open and laughing at all the crazy drivers trying to fight for the first one open.
I remember us going to the cemetary to visit Dad - just you and I. And saying, "Hey Deddy, we're here". You thought that was funny the way I just talked to him, and yet that's how I talk to you now. I told him he could visit us in the way of a butterfly or something so we would know he was there. And by george, at that precise moment, a butterfly fluttered and danced around the two of us for about 5 minutes. We stood there staring at each other in disbelief. What a memory. Do you know that the very next time I went to visit Dad at the cemetary after you were gone, that two butterlies fluttered around me. I was sure and still am, that that was you and Dad.
I remember us leaving Cartersville that day and stopping at the gas station for a "pit stop", as Dad used to call them. You insisted on buying me a coke and a small bag of white cheddar cheez-its. I told you that I could get it and you said, "Toe, I think I can swing a bag of cheez-its and a coke". We laughed so hard. That was the best day spending with you even though it was a sad one. We joked and reminisced all the way home. I still have that empty bag of cheez-its. I decided to keep it even before you passed away.
I remember telling you goodbye and that I loved you as I pulled out of your driveway. My last memory of you is you holding Molly standing at your garage waving and telling me you loved me. Your beautiful red hair and sweet smile staring back at me.
You were gone two weeks later. God, I miss you. Why did He take you? I want you back even now. I've never stopped loving or missing you. The void is deep and dark and goes on forever. You, my love, will never be replaced. There will never be another Miss Tree. Your heart physically broke, and my heart emotionally broke. I miss you with an intensity that goes on forever.
Do you know I think of you all the time? I wish I had said certain things differently and done things differently. I'm sorry if I hurt you or was disrespectful at times. I guess it's just a sister thing. Forgive me for ever hurting you.
God is healing, though. Peace is slowly settling in. The grieving goes on, but hope is drifting in through the pain. You would want us to be happy and to trust in God. Those were your last words to me, "Don't worry, Toe. It's all going to work out and be okay".
I know you are with me. I feel you all the time. Thank you for loving me still. Help me with God to move on without feeling guilty while honoring you and your life all the while. I'll never forget you. NEVER.
My love to you tonight. God be with me and heal my heart.
I love you sis.
Toni
Here's where the detail comes in: I wanted Jay to come with us on that trip to get my dad's things. He insisted that I was to go alone with Terri. I was furious with him and all week before we left, I kept begging him to go with us. It was our 12 year anniversary after all, and I needed him to be with me emotionally, to help me bear the burden of it all. I didn't want to take that trip without him. He repeatedly insisted that he didn't feel he was supposed to go and that it was a time for just me and Terri to spend together. How stupid, I thought. There would be plenty of time to spend together...
I was actually extremely frustrated and very angry that he refused to go. I just couldn't understand it and neither could he. It was just a feeling he had and he wasn't budging on it.
It turned out that my time with Terri that day turned out to be the last time I ever saw her. A couple of weeks after she passed, both Jay and I began to realize the details of God's love in regards to that day of our anniversary. He placed a feeling in Jay's heart that it was not his place to go, that it was to be a special time for just me and Terri. I cried so hard when I realized God's love for me even before tragedy hit us. I would not trade that day with her for a million dollars, and all because my husband received a hunch from the Holy Spirit what not to do.
That, my friends, is how God is in the details of our life. How many things have we overlooked that He alone should get praise for?
Happy 15 year anniversary, sweetheart. Thank you for following your heart and His spirit. I am forever endowed to you for it.
I love you, Terri - I'm also thinking of you today and loving you still!!!!!
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Finding my way to making a way...
Okay, so I haven't really posted much in a while on this blog. Mainly because I just haven't been inspired enough to do so. Every time I think I'm ready, I sign in and then try and type something but it just won't come out. My fingers sit still and empty on the keyboard. Do you know how frustrating that is for me? It's like not having anything to say, which if you know me, well, then you would know how that really drives me nuts.
I'm going to be honest, something I don't like to always do. I'm struggling. I just am. Sometimes I don't like to think about how hard my life is because, really, nobody wants to hear about it. That's the truth. And also because I'm trying to stay positive and keep my head up above trusting in God. But, try telling that to my heart. That's a whole different story.
I don't like to admit that I'm Toni with a broken heart. But that is who I am. That is my story. And I do feel all alone most of the time. In fact, I've never felt lonelier in my entire life. There, I said it. Some days I feel just as lost as I did at the beginning four yeas ago right when the deaths began. The devil likes to suck me back in to the same place emotionally, as if I haven't grown at all. It's very hard to pull out of that. He's nastily clever like that, and I hate it.
I think one of the hardest parts about my life is that I haven't exactly found the "way in the desert" like I wanted and the "streams in the wasteland" are not quite what I expected them to be. And that has made me feel like a failure, like something is wrong with me. There's that clever devil again. Ooohh, I hate how he does that to me. Ever felt that way?
I am approaching the death anniversaries and I'm not going to sugar coat my feelings at all. I don't think I can anymore, to be honest. But, at the same time I am desperate to find my "streams" and I know the TRUTH - that only He, God Himself, can provide that for me and HE WILL. I will cling to His promises and His truths and His peace because He is who He said He is.
So, will things ever be the same again? No they are not!!!!!! But He is a God of renewal and He will allow good to come out of my sadness because He promises us in His Word that He will. So, the only thing that is guaranteed to stay the same is HIM - and that will be enough for me.
Can you pray for me as I approach the four year anniversary of my dad and sister passing and the two year anniversary of my mom passing? Can you pray for me as I'm on my way to His making a way for me?
love,
toni
I'm going to be honest, something I don't like to always do. I'm struggling. I just am. Sometimes I don't like to think about how hard my life is because, really, nobody wants to hear about it. That's the truth. And also because I'm trying to stay positive and keep my head up above trusting in God. But, try telling that to my heart. That's a whole different story.
I don't like to admit that I'm Toni with a broken heart. But that is who I am. That is my story. And I do feel all alone most of the time. In fact, I've never felt lonelier in my entire life. There, I said it. Some days I feel just as lost as I did at the beginning four yeas ago right when the deaths began. The devil likes to suck me back in to the same place emotionally, as if I haven't grown at all. It's very hard to pull out of that. He's nastily clever like that, and I hate it.
I think one of the hardest parts about my life is that I haven't exactly found the "way in the desert" like I wanted and the "streams in the wasteland" are not quite what I expected them to be. And that has made me feel like a failure, like something is wrong with me. There's that clever devil again. Ooohh, I hate how he does that to me. Ever felt that way?
I am approaching the death anniversaries and I'm not going to sugar coat my feelings at all. I don't think I can anymore, to be honest. But, at the same time I am desperate to find my "streams" and I know the TRUTH - that only He, God Himself, can provide that for me and HE WILL. I will cling to His promises and His truths and His peace because He is who He said He is.
So, will things ever be the same again? No they are not!!!!!! But He is a God of renewal and He will allow good to come out of my sadness because He promises us in His Word that He will. So, the only thing that is guaranteed to stay the same is HIM - and that will be enough for me.
Can you pray for me as I approach the four year anniversary of my dad and sister passing and the two year anniversary of my mom passing? Can you pray for me as I'm on my way to His making a way for me?
love,
toni
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Savoring What You Have
Epiphany thought of the day:
Here is my precious cargo.
They just left for Vacation Bible School. Together. All three healthy, happy and smiling. More precious than silver or gold. All three a gift directly from God above. I am blessed even for this single moment in time. Waving good-bye to my sweet, precious threesome of life itself. They pulled out of the driveway just now and I closed my eyes trying to duplicate the very last image of them smiling and waving and shouting, "I love you mom"!
By God's choosing and will, they will return to me. Unharmed and still smiling with loud, contagious laughter and more hugs than there are stars in the sky. And I will then have the chance of one more day to be loved enough by God to experience this amazing journey of life on earth with these three precious creatures.
Morbid? Maybe. Realistic? Yes. God tells us to count our blessings and thank Him for only GOOD things come from Him. But, sometimes in life, in this imperfect earthly life as we know it, there are imperfect situations. Ones in which God knows will happen and yet He allows it to happen. Why? We will probably never know. It's not really for us to know if you want to go deep and explore it. This life is imperfect at best and we are to be thankful when the GOOD times are the GOOD times and when the bad times come, well as hard as it is to say, we are to still be thankful - that God will walk us through it. He never promises a life without pain or imperfection, but He does promise a perfect eternal life with Him in Heaven - like forever. No more tears. No more sadness. Just absolute perfect bliss.
I say all this to say some families have to experience the unthinkable. And believe me, I know this. Read about this family here. http://www.wsbtv.com/news/19843595/detail.html
Pray for them. Think about them. And remember today how blessed you really are for even just today. You never know when today is your last. I've said it before and I'll say it a million times if I have to. It is so important you understand this as best you can. Be grateful for today and mean it.
Savor what you have and give thanks to the only One who should get credit - God our Heavenly Father above.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Whatever You're Doing by Sanctus Real
It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender
(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly
Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is
You want from meI give everything I surrender...
To...
(Chorus)
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly
It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender
(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly
Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is
You want from meI give everything I surrender...
To...
(Chorus)
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly
It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Lent is here...
Never in my 34 years have I ever been concerned with Lent. I grew up baptist and they just don't celebrate Lent. I marvel at the entire concept and this year more than ever, I am just so hungry for these 40 days. Seriously - like starving - for this process.
Father God, I humbly come before you and ask you to "show up" in a big way in my life and in my home. I need you and I truly desire to come to know you intimately. I am constantly amazed in my life how you "show up" time and time again in ways that allow me to grow and change and heal. I know you are always with me, but the "show up" times are times when I say, "Hello God - you're here - you really are here". I ask that in these 40 days you give me the signs to stop and find you. I need clarification on some things, God, and I need you to light them up with neon signs this time so I don't miss them. Prepare my heart in such a way that I hear you very clearly. Jay and I need your direction and wisdom and need to follow you desperately, no matter what the scenery of life make look like. I pray that your neon signs will light our way. I pray for peace like I've never experienced before. You know my hurts and you know just what triggers them, so I pray for protection of my heart and soul. I pray that you would manifest yourself right in front of Amber and Emma and that they may see you for themselves and know that it's you. They are already asking of you, Lord, and they so want to hear from you. That yearning that you place in us is really present in them and they are seeking Lord. Just like the rest of us. We are all seeking and may we be like the little children and come unto you. Always seeking and asking, always looking for love and acceptance, and always finding it with you. And trusting your answer "just because you said so". Annoint me Father and my entire household. We know you hold our hands and help us to walk with you these next 40 days.
Amen
Father God, I humbly come before you and ask you to "show up" in a big way in my life and in my home. I need you and I truly desire to come to know you intimately. I am constantly amazed in my life how you "show up" time and time again in ways that allow me to grow and change and heal. I know you are always with me, but the "show up" times are times when I say, "Hello God - you're here - you really are here". I ask that in these 40 days you give me the signs to stop and find you. I need clarification on some things, God, and I need you to light them up with neon signs this time so I don't miss them. Prepare my heart in such a way that I hear you very clearly. Jay and I need your direction and wisdom and need to follow you desperately, no matter what the scenery of life make look like. I pray that your neon signs will light our way. I pray for peace like I've never experienced before. You know my hurts and you know just what triggers them, so I pray for protection of my heart and soul. I pray that you would manifest yourself right in front of Amber and Emma and that they may see you for themselves and know that it's you. They are already asking of you, Lord, and they so want to hear from you. That yearning that you place in us is really present in them and they are seeking Lord. Just like the rest of us. We are all seeking and may we be like the little children and come unto you. Always seeking and asking, always looking for love and acceptance, and always finding it with you. And trusting your answer "just because you said so". Annoint me Father and my entire household. We know you hold our hands and help us to walk with you these next 40 days.
Amen
Sunday, February 15, 2009
RIP Lubby
You sweet, sweet dog - for fourteen long years. I can't believe your gone. I miss you chupsters. Mommy loves Lubby...
Friday, February 13, 2009
Lubby is gone...
Lubby just passed away a few mintues ago. Jay and I were with him as he took his last breaths. He was laying on his favorite blanket here in the living room and he didn't suffer. Oh my, too many words and not knowing what to say. Just pray for us as we have to tell the girls when they get home and take him to Grammy's backyard for a burial. Will post more later. It's going to be a long day and I'm already tired...
It's Friday...lots of thoughts in my head
Well, so much to say and not sure how. Just lots of thoughts swirling in my head on this Friday. I'm sitting here listening to my 14 year old dog, Lubby, breathing heavy and resting during his last few days with us. The time has come and I believe he will be passing away soon. He has been an amazing dog, and I will post later about all of that. Just know that I am in a season of my life where I'm having to say good-bye again, but trusting in God still. That's kind of all I know how to do, anyway!
I have a few friends on my mind today. They are hurting and need love and healing. Oh, my friends, aren't we all searching for that peace, acceptance and healing? Why does it always seem something is missing? Oh, Father, help me to realize in a very real way that you are right here with me holding me up - and for my friends to feel that, too.
Tomorrow is valentine's day and love is in the air. Some people want to boycott the day because they don't have a sweetheart. Nonsense! If there is anyone in your life, parents, children, family, friends - love on them! As a sweet friend reminded me today, we never know what day will be our last and it's worth it to love on people because we all need love! Love on them as if today is your last day. Now, that's a memory worth remembering.
Jay and I are working real hard to better ourselves and work through years of emotional "stuff" and just "life" in general. So, we've been taking an emotional and spiritual journey of seeking God and just trying to figure this life out. Yeah, right, like that's probably never going to happen! But, I feel a rising within us that only God can do and a revolution is on it's way...
Well, those are my rambling thoughts for now.
Thank you, God, for being our ultimate Valentine - you gave your life for us and showed us how to love like you...
I have a few friends on my mind today. They are hurting and need love and healing. Oh, my friends, aren't we all searching for that peace, acceptance and healing? Why does it always seem something is missing? Oh, Father, help me to realize in a very real way that you are right here with me holding me up - and for my friends to feel that, too.
Tomorrow is valentine's day and love is in the air. Some people want to boycott the day because they don't have a sweetheart. Nonsense! If there is anyone in your life, parents, children, family, friends - love on them! As a sweet friend reminded me today, we never know what day will be our last and it's worth it to love on people because we all need love! Love on them as if today is your last day. Now, that's a memory worth remembering.
Jay and I are working real hard to better ourselves and work through years of emotional "stuff" and just "life" in general. So, we've been taking an emotional and spiritual journey of seeking God and just trying to figure this life out. Yeah, right, like that's probably never going to happen! But, I feel a rising within us that only God can do and a revolution is on it's way...
Well, those are my rambling thoughts for now.
Thank you, God, for being our ultimate Valentine - you gave your life for us and showed us how to love like you...
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Uggh
Ya'll, seriously. Some days I just don't get it. I probably never will. Can you pray for me that I will have the heart of Jesus about something that causes me anxiety and a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach?
Matthew 11:28 -29 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28 -29 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Saturday, January 31, 2009
A Praise and a Prayer Request
Yeah for Amber! Praise God - he healed her hearing! We took her for a full audiology test last week and she passed with flying colors. The audiologist has no idea why she failed 3 screening tests and why she couldn't hear the tones in the earphones on the last screening. She says her hearing is perfectly normal and doesn't detect a problem at all. Wow! I was standing in the room when she failed that last test and the tone was so loud that I couldn't even put the earphone to my ear - yet Amber never flinched. From that moment on, I began to pray earnestly and faithfully that God would heal her ears. I've never really been that bold before in my prayers, but I realized that it was time I truly trust in God and not expect the worse. So, yeah - I am rejoicing in the best!
And on a sad note, please pray for us as we spend whatever remaining time we have left with our dog, Lubby. He is 14 years old and was diagnosed with cancer 2 1/2 months ago. He's already lived longer than they expected and we have really spoiled him and loved on him these last couple of months. He's had a couple of bad days yesterday and today and I'm thinking we might be heading into the last lap and maybe entering into the final stages - however long that might be. As if I don't know about that - been there, done that, don't really want to do it again. I feel like I always have to say good-bye.
Anywhoo...God is still God and I'm trusting in His love and mercy today.
And on a sad note, please pray for us as we spend whatever remaining time we have left with our dog, Lubby. He is 14 years old and was diagnosed with cancer 2 1/2 months ago. He's already lived longer than they expected and we have really spoiled him and loved on him these last couple of months. He's had a couple of bad days yesterday and today and I'm thinking we might be heading into the last lap and maybe entering into the final stages - however long that might be. As if I don't know about that - been there, done that, don't really want to do it again. I feel like I always have to say good-bye.
Anywhoo...God is still God and I'm trusting in His love and mercy today.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Amber's take on the new president...
Since Amber and Emma got to watch the inauguration on tv at school yesterday, they incorporated that into their daily lessons for the class. Amber had to answer a couple of questions and her answers are so cute!
I think the hardest job for the President is:
...doing all of his hard work.
If I were President, the first thing I would do is:
...do all of my paper work so the next day I could relax and have no work. (she is soooo my child!)
Things I would take to the White House:
...books, coloring books for my children, clothes, book bags, food, shoes and furnicher (furniture).
Proud Parent? You bet! Amber and Emma turned 7 seven years old on Monday! I can't believe it!
PS - Please pray for Amber. She failed 3 hearing screenings in the past two weeks. She has complained of her ears popping in the last month or two. We are taking her for a complete audiology test tomorrow and then will see an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor. We are very concerned and as parents, worried silly. We know God is in control, but our fears are lingering on the edge. Please pray for healing of her hearing and that no matter what the results are, that we trust God in ALL THINGS!
I think the hardest job for the President is:
...doing all of his hard work.
If I were President, the first thing I would do is:
...do all of my paper work so the next day I could relax and have no work. (she is soooo my child!)
Things I would take to the White House:
...books, coloring books for my children, clothes, book bags, food, shoes and furnicher (furniture).
Proud Parent? You bet! Amber and Emma turned 7 seven years old on Monday! I can't believe it!
PS - Please pray for Amber. She failed 3 hearing screenings in the past two weeks. She has complained of her ears popping in the last month or two. We are taking her for a complete audiology test tomorrow and then will see an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor. We are very concerned and as parents, worried silly. We know God is in control, but our fears are lingering on the edge. Please pray for healing of her hearing and that no matter what the results are, that we trust God in ALL THINGS!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Being Real - and not giving up
Okay, so my last entry was harsh. Wow. It was harsh. Just know I'm working very hard at things, one day at a time. I'm not giving up or giving in, just being real and hoping for the best. Sometimes I feel as if I am one big act - giving people what they want to see because sometimes I don't even want to acknowledge my true thoughts. Sometimes it's not an act, it's just become my life. The one I choose to live by faith. And sometimes my act is in response to me living what you must believe so that in turn, your life is faith. Confusing, right? That's what I say.....
One day at a time, people, one day at a time....
One day at a time, people, one day at a time....
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Well, hello 2009
I haven't posted much because I haven't really been in the mood to do so. Not much to say, really. I have lots of thoughts in my head, but don't want to share them yet. Some, because no one will even get it and I'm tired of sharing thoughts when no one really cares. And some thoughts because it's not the right time yet. Lots of dreams and thoughts and just waiting to see what God has in store for us this year.
The holidays were harder for me emotionally than I had hoped they would be. So, I just felt like being quiet, reflective and in the moment with my husband and children.
All I can say is 2009 will definitely be a change for us. It's time for things to be different and not to be afraid to follow God and His will for us. And not to be afraid to stand up to some things that need to change and for issues to be dealt with and move on - once and for all.
Please keep us in your prayers as we continue to seek healing and God's direction in our lives. We just need to be loved on, plain and simple and I intend to find a way for me and Jay and Amber and Emma to experience just that - one way or the other. No more games. Time for acceptance and love - unconditionally.
So, bring it on 2009 - God lead the way!
Happy New Year,
toni
The holidays were harder for me emotionally than I had hoped they would be. So, I just felt like being quiet, reflective and in the moment with my husband and children.
All I can say is 2009 will definitely be a change for us. It's time for things to be different and not to be afraid to follow God and His will for us. And not to be afraid to stand up to some things that need to change and for issues to be dealt with and move on - once and for all.
Please keep us in your prayers as we continue to seek healing and God's direction in our lives. We just need to be loved on, plain and simple and I intend to find a way for me and Jay and Amber and Emma to experience just that - one way or the other. No more games. Time for acceptance and love - unconditionally.
So, bring it on 2009 - God lead the way!
Happy New Year,
toni
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