A Praise and a Prayer Request

Yeah for Amber! Praise God - he healed her hearing! We took her for a full audiology test last week and she passed with flying colors. The audiologist has no idea why she failed 3 screening tests and why she couldn't hear the tones in the earphones on the last screening. She says her hearing is perfectly normal and doesn't detect a problem at all. Wow! I was standing in the room when she failed that last test and the tone was so loud that I couldn't even put the earphone to my ear - yet Amber never flinched. From that moment on, I began to pray earnestly and faithfully that God would heal her ears. I've never really been that bold before in my prayers, but I realized that it was time I truly trust in God and not expect the worse. So, yeah - I am rejoicing in the best!

And on a sad note, please pray for us as we spend whatever remaining time we have left with our dog, Lubby. He is 14 years old and was diagnosed with cancer 2 1/2 months ago. He's already lived longer than they expected and we have really spoiled him and loved on him these last couple of months. He's had a couple of bad days yesterday and today and I'm thinking we might be heading into the last lap and maybe entering into the final stages - however long that might be. As if I don't know about that - been there, done that, don't really want to do it again. I feel like I always have to say good-bye.

Anywhoo...God is still God and I'm trusting in His love and mercy today.

Amber's take on the new president...

Since Amber and Emma got to watch the inauguration on tv at school yesterday, they incorporated that into their daily lessons for the class. Amber had to answer a couple of questions and her answers are so cute!

I think the hardest job for the President is:

...doing all of his hard work.

If I were President, the first thing I would do is:

...do all of my paper work so the next day I could relax and have no work. (she is soooo my child!)

Things I would take to the White House:

...books, coloring books for my children, clothes, book bags, food, shoes and furnicher (furniture).

Proud Parent? You bet! Amber and Emma turned 7 seven years old on Monday! I can't believe it!

PS - Please pray for Amber. She failed 3 hearing screenings in the past two weeks. She has complained of her ears popping in the last month or two. We are taking her for a complete audiology test tomorrow and then will see an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor. We are very concerned and as parents, worried silly. We know God is in control, but our fears are lingering on the edge. Please pray for healing of her hearing and that no matter what the results are, that we trust God in ALL THINGS!

Being Real - and not giving up

Okay, so my last entry was harsh. Wow. It was harsh. Just know I'm working very hard at things, one day at a time. I'm not giving up or giving in, just being real and hoping for the best. Sometimes I feel as if I am one big act - giving people what they want to see because sometimes I don't even want to acknowledge my true thoughts. Sometimes it's not an act, it's just become my life. The one I choose to live by faith. And sometimes my act is in response to me living what you must believe so that in turn, your life is faith. Confusing, right? That's what I say.....

One day at a time, people, one day at a time....

Well, hello 2009

I haven't posted much because I haven't really been in the mood to do so. Not much to say, really. I have lots of thoughts in my head, but don't want to share them yet. Some, because no one will even get it and I'm tired of sharing thoughts when no one really cares. And some thoughts because it's not the right time yet. Lots of dreams and thoughts and just waiting to see what God has in store for us this year.

The holidays were harder for me emotionally than I had hoped they would be. So, I just felt like being quiet, reflective and in the moment with my husband and children.

All I can say is 2009 will definitely be a change for us. It's time for things to be different and not to be afraid to follow God and His will for us. And not to be afraid to stand up to some things that need to change and for issues to be dealt with and move on - once and for all.

Please keep us in your prayers as we continue to seek healing and God's direction in our lives. We just need to be loved on, plain and simple and I intend to find a way for me and Jay and Amber and Emma to experience just that - one way or the other. No more games. Time for acceptance and love - unconditionally.

So, bring it on 2009 - God lead the way!

Happy New Year,
toni

I couldn't make this up if I wanted to...

Last Friday, I visited my Grandmother and spent some time with her having lunch and chatting. While there, she gave me several things that belonged to my dad that she just found when cleaning out a closet. I am so grateful she wanted to share these things with me. One of the items was a bible given to my dad as a graduation gift in 1961. There are several pieces of paper with notes of all kinds placed in various pages of this bible. Early on, my dad was called into the ministry and served as choir director and youth director at various churches. Unfortunately, my dad left the ministry to pursue his own business venture and I'm sorry he left the ministry earlier in his life because he had so much left to give!

There was a notecard in one of the pages and it reads this:

God has a place for every planned creation

A path for every star to go

He drew the course for every rivers journey

Now I know he has a way for me

I place my life in the hands of God

Those hands so scarred now outstretched for me

Wherever it may be over land over sea

May thy will sublime o thou God divine be mine

Now in His will my soul finds life worth living

Each day new blessings from above

Tho' shadows come and valleys seem unending

Still I know He makes a way for me

Hello? How amazing is this! The title of my blog is Making A Way. God revealed this to me in a prayer/study time a couple of months ago. Read my verse at the the top of this blog.

When I read this notecard in my dad's handwriting, I simply couldn't believe it. I knew immediately it was a confirmation from God. How loving and personal He is. He led me to that scripture and He led me to my dad's bible. Wow!

I did some research and discovered that the words above are lyrics to a song titled God Will Make A Way. I discovered an additional verse. See below. Oh how these words ring true for me. And they can ring true for you, too. God is telling us He still has plans for us. I believe this with my whole heart. Oh, I have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

God will make a way where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide, hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way

Oh, Dad, how you still are speaking to me and teaching me still. I bet you had no idea....I love you!

love,
toni

My Girls

I just want to say my girls are so yummy! I can't believe how in love with them I am. And every year, every month, every day and moment just keeps getting better and better. I think it's because the fog of my grief is beginning to wear off and I can see and feel more clearly now. Amber and Emma are just the sweetest, funniest, smartest kids ever! I could just hold them all day and never let go. I am so proud of them and proud that my most important job is being their mom. I forgot to send their snack with them to school today, so I just went and dropped it off in their classrooms. Amber was sitting in the floor with her other classmates and they were all raising their hands for some question their teacher had just asked. She looked so sweet and innocent sitting there with her friends. And Emma was working in her class as well. She was putting something up when I walked in with her snack. Both of the girls' faces just lit up when they saw me. And best of all? I'm simply their hero, not for forgetting their snack in the first place, but for bringing it directly to them so they wouldn't be left out today. It's the little things that make being a mom so rewarding.

I am in so in love!!!! Thank you, Heavenly Father, for the gift of children, the gift of life even in the midst of so much loss. You truly give and take away, and I am so grateful that you have allowed me to have these precious children. Oh how badly you knew I would need them!

I love you Amber and Emma with all my heart. Simply droplets of sunshine from Heaven!

love,

toni

holiday smells...

My new favorite thing....Glade cinnamon gingerbread candle! I heart this smell!