My Girls

I just want to say my girls are so yummy! I can't believe how in love with them I am. And every year, every month, every day and moment just keeps getting better and better. I think it's because the fog of my grief is beginning to wear off and I can see and feel more clearly now. Amber and Emma are just the sweetest, funniest, smartest kids ever! I could just hold them all day and never let go. I am so proud of them and proud that my most important job is being their mom. I forgot to send their snack with them to school today, so I just went and dropped it off in their classrooms. Amber was sitting in the floor with her other classmates and they were all raising their hands for some question their teacher had just asked. She looked so sweet and innocent sitting there with her friends. And Emma was working in her class as well. She was putting something up when I walked in with her snack. Both of the girls' faces just lit up when they saw me. And best of all? I'm simply their hero, not for forgetting their snack in the first place, but for bringing it directly to them so they wouldn't be left out today. It's the little things that make being a mom so rewarding.

I am in so in love!!!! Thank you, Heavenly Father, for the gift of children, the gift of life even in the midst of so much loss. You truly give and take away, and I am so grateful that you have allowed me to have these precious children. Oh how badly you knew I would need them!

I love you Amber and Emma with all my heart. Simply droplets of sunshine from Heaven!

love,

toni

holiday smells...

My new favorite thing....Glade cinnamon gingerbread candle! I heart this smell!

I'm opening a can of worms...

Heaven help me, but I'm about to open a can of worms. And all I can say is if you disagree with me, you certainly have that right. Just understand that since I am expressing myself on my own blog, that I am certainly entitled to my own opinions and I'm not looking for a fight!


I've made several observations over the course of this election campaign. Some of them have been outright saddening. The opinions of some people, strangers or family and friends, have been extremely disheartening. Having an opinion on various issues in our country is absolutely American - and I expect people to do so. However, having an opinion regarding the color of skin of a presidential candidate is outright WRONG.


I've been convicted today to post this on my blog, and believe me, I've been trying to avoid it. But, I feel I need to express this. And here is where I'm going to alienate people I know probably.....


If you have feelings that you either keep private to yourself or share with others that you simply do not want a black man for president - then shame on you!!!!!!! It is time to put your hypocritical christian ideas away. To behave and live life as a christian and then denounce anyone of color because they are not worthy to be president, you have just negated any christian example you have ever given and it's about time someone puts a stop to this.


I grew up in a household where racial slurs where readily given. Sadly, not just to be mean, but because it was a way of life. No where in the bible does God's word expect us to behave this way, and in the year 2008, people should know better. Please look into your hearts and talk to God about this. If you think I'm nuts and you disagree with me - ask God - I'm sure you're not going to get the answer you want.


I am actually excited that Barack Obama will be the next President of the United States. And yes, I voted for him (okay everyone can pick up their jaws off the floor now). I hope you were even a little inspired if you listened to his speech last night. This man comes from several different backgrounds regarding race, and I do believe he has a different kind of understanding. And he is a christian. He talks to God. He is not a radical terrorist who is going to get us all killed. Do you actually think the United States government didn't do a background check on him when he started this campaign? If he was an actual threat, he would have been removed along time ago. So, please don't fall prey to mass hysteria and rumors. Get your facts straight.


If your opinion differs from mine (and I'm sure it does to most who read this), please know I would appreciate you keeping your negative thoughts on race to yourself and not express it to me or my children. Jay and I are raising Amber and Emma in a different environment, where racial slurs are not commonplace. They are learning to love all. For goodness sakes, if we tell Amber and Emma that God loves them and that He has plans for them and that they can be anything they want to be when they grow up, then how could we ever tell them that people of color can not?


Remember, that even though your presidential candidate might not have been elected this time, and your are afraid that this country is going to hell.....remember that God is still the same God He was before the final votes were counted. He is still in control no matter who is president. We must continue our fervent prayers and trust Him with all things, including the safety and decisions of our political leaders as they lead our nation.


No task is too big for God and He loves us all, no matter what color we were born.


Oh my, now I've done it, I bet I've fired some people up! Love me anyway!


peace and love,
toni

October was fun....

October - enough said! Now, on to turkey day - phew!

Windy days....

If you like the wind, you'll understand this post. If not, well, you're out of luck. But, I digress....

Today I went for a walk and it's very, very windy out today. The sun is sort of shining behind lots of puffy and fluffy clouds. You know, the kind that look like cotton balls. The sky behind the clouds is a mixture of pure blue and light gray, as a storm system is on it's way ready to dump buckets of rain on us tomorrow.

I happen to love the wind. Especially on days like today. I like to close my eyes, outstretch my arms and such peace envelopes me. I don't get to experience windy days often, so I reveled in it today. The wind, although invisible, whips around me and washes away so many things. It washes away doubt, fear, pain, troubles of all kind and leaves me feeling so refreshed.

I believe the wind when I experience it like that is the Holy Spirit and He speaks to me in ways others just cannot understand. I am grateful for these times as I feel momentary peace. Just like my loved ones in Heaven must feel all the time. What a relief and what a load off of me when I realize that one day I will get to feel the relief of all my troubles for eternity, not just momentarily.

The wind also reminds me of my innermost feelings that I want to release and am never quite sure how or where or why. The wind today was gusty and quite fierce at times. Just like my screams on the inside, and my anger and frustration and my pain. Oh, how I wish I could use the force behind the wind to get out the force of my inner feelings. And in walking in the wind, I get to do just that, let it all fall out and let the wind carry it far, far away. Remember, the wind is the Holy Spirit, so He is very capable of taking all I need Him to take from me. The heavy load of my hardest days. The amputation of loved ones lost. He can heal it all, my friends.

So, today, thank you God for the wind. Thank you for my encounter with you. May it carry me through today, still one day at a time.

peace and love,
toni

Happy Fall Y'all!

Well, fall is really starting to kick in around our house. Here are some pictures to keep us all in the mood - considering it's 85 degrees today! Good grief Charlie Brown.....great pumpkin anyone?

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!!!

Well, well, well.....I guess I'm officially 34 years old! Not too long ago, that seemed ancient to me. But, here I am and don't really feel any differently than I did at 33 yesterday. In fact, when I woke up this morning, I told Jay, "Oh no, I forgot to enjoy being 33 last night!" Funny, huh?

Jay and I went to Tea at Seven Springs and had full parlor tea today. It was so yummy! We had delicious finger sandwiches, scones, desserts and hot and iced tea. It was a fun date in the middle of the day while the kids where in school. Thank you to so many of you that mailed me a birthday card. This is the most I've gotten in a very long time. These last three days I've had so much fun going to the mailbox in anticipation of what would be in there. In fact, I got 4 cards in one day yesterday!

Amber and Emma gave me candy corn (a weakness of mine at this time of year) and two funny musical cards and Jay gave me a new pair of pajamas - woo hoo! Grammy and Amy will be coming over this weekend and we'll have dinner and a yummy cake that Grammy is making. I can't wait to sink my teeth into it. Early on Saturday we are going to Ellijay to get apples, apple cider, fried apple pies, etc. and then we are off to a real pumpkin patch farm. The girls are really excited and I'm looking forward to some fun family time.

I'll post more birthday photos later, but below are two of the cutest ones ever! One morning this week, I went in to wake up the kids for school and this is how sweet and angelic they look right before I woke them up. Notice how Amber is sleeping on her teddy bear "Whitey". How sweet! The other one is me having a cupcake with the girls today.

peace and love,
toni